Jake English

biography (early life)

Having landed in the continental United States on a meteor in 1994, Jake was adopted by Jade English and taken to live with her on a Pacific island. He believed their job there was to study the island's strange technology and architecture; one day, however, Jade failed to return from a trip into the ruins, and when Jake went to check on her, he discovered she had been assassinated by her own adopted mother the Condesce (though Jake erroneously believed she had instead been killed by a three-fanged monster). His home was also destroyed by the Condesce's battleship; after burning Jade's remains, he resigned to living alone in the remains of his room which had fallen into the jungle. At some point later, he also found the beheaded globe of his former home, and added it to his large sylladex. When Jake first discovered his transmaterializer, he used it frequently and irresponsibly, appearifying several pumpkins which contributed to the proliferation of wild pumpkins on his island and no doubt to the rampant disappearance of gourds throughout reality. Sorry this shits so small. I mean obviously its small. Later, he used it to become Jade Harley's mysterious pen-pal across timelines, signing his letters to her as J. He helped her with the construction of her gift to John Egbert, providing the bunny's Royal Deringer, Quills of Echidna, Ahab's Crosshairs and Warhammer of Zillyhoo. As mentioned in one letter,[citation needed] while the bunny was his idea, Calliope was in fact "twisting his arm" to get him to make it. Having been raised by Jade as his adopted Grandma, Jake addressed Jade in his letters as if he were her grandson, and Jade believed him because it really did feel like [she] was talking to family - no doubt due to the fact that, in truth, Jake is her ectobiological father and adopted Grandpa.

biography (early life) 2

Jake used to own a private journalHS before it was appearified by Roxy Lalonde. It was shown to contain a series of letters spelling the word BARK, not unlike the MEOW code found in Rose's journal that was used to create Becquerel.

biography (homestuck act 6)

Jake's dead dream self. The night before the long-awaited Alpha release of Sburb, in a dream upon the moon of Prospit, Jane Crocker witnessed a funeral procession for Jake's dream self; on the Condesce's orders, Derse had broken the rules of engagement and had the Courtyard Droll assassinate him in his sleeps by way of peanuts, to which he is deathly allergic. In order to finish his present to John, Jake needed some uranium, which he was lacking from all his machines because he stripped them to power his Transmaterializer. After a conversation with Dirk's auto-responder, Jake realizes that he has to fight Dirk's extremely skilled robot in order to get it. He ventures outside, where he is attacked by the various lusii sharing the island with him, before he is finally cornered. As a sea goat goes to attack him, Dirk Strider's Brobot bleats ironically and strategically to save his life, and then promptly beats the crap out of him . Brobot beats the crap out of Jake. After surviving the battle, Jake levels up, but blacks out. In his dream he meets a new dead troll, who waves to him. When he wakes up, he pesters Roxy about Dirk and the troll, calling her (the troll) the girl of his dreams. After that he pesters Jane about whether she likes him or not, and upon her claiming that she doesn't have an interest in him, he tells of what he believes to be Dirk's overly long courtship process and his intent to make a move on it. Meanwhile, Brobot rips the uranium out of chest and smashes it to pieces, before blowing up behind Jake.

biography (homestuck act 6) 2

Sometime after Brobot blows up, Jake loses consciousness again after falling down from the elevator inside the frog temple, due to an earthquake presumably caused by the volcano's increased activity. His trusty Skulltop is the only reason he survives the fall, but it breaks upon impact. Jake wakes up in a dream bubble, though is initially unaware of it. He relives a previous conversation with Dirk (although this is really a thought-generated version of Dirk, also known as brain ghost Dirk), who tells him about Roxy's Mom and his Bro, and explains what has happened on Earth through the Condesce's influence as of 2422. Aranea Serket soon enters the dream bubble and converses with him about a multitude of things, essentially bringing Jake up to speed on what's been going on so far. She tells him about her belief that he is destined to face Lrd English in combat and win, providing the demon with his very first defeat. She eventually takes him further into the dream bubble, where Meenah, Dave, Rose, WV, and the surviving post-scratch trolls await. Meenah and Aranea jointly sum up the Sgrub adventures of the pre-scratch trolls, as well as their post-scratch counterpart lives. Jake eventually realizes that Meenah and the Condesce are technically the same person and attacks her, believing (incorrectly) that, if he kills her, he can prevent what her post-scratch self eventually does to Earth as of Dirk and Roxy's time. He leaps, landing on Meenah, and quickly punches the dead Pisces troll. Aranea intervenes on behalf of her friend, hitting Jake over the head with Meenah's Trident, causing him to vanish from the dream bubble and awake in the Frog Temple.

biography (homestuck act 6) 3

Jake continues towards the Lotus Time Capsule and waits for the four extremely powerful weapons to emerge. Using Terry Kiser's green and red eyes, he monstrositified some DELICIOUS FRUIT and infinitesimalized the remains of his house, which was taking up the majority of the space in his Puzzle Modus. When the weapons finally arrived, he gave them to Terry Kiser and sent him on his merry way into the pre-scratch universe, where Terry would go on to become Liv Tyler (and cease to exist). Jake was later seen by Jane on a burning Derse, arriving there through the Derse transportalizer in the bottom of the Frog Temple. Jake then witnesses Jane's death, and in his grief, fails to heed Dirk's directive to leave Derse. Instead, Lil' Seb leaps across the chasm and grabs Jake, taking him back to Earth using the transportaliser, and flying him from the Frog Temple to his house, where Roxy has finished preparing the equipment needed for him to enter the Medium. During their flight, a dragon Lusus sees them, and causes an explosion (much like what Pyralspite did to Mindfang). Lil' Seb got thrown into the lagoon, while Jake puts on his Skulltop to prepare for impact. He fails to land on his head, however, and is then knocked unconscious (yet again) on the remains of his house. He wakes up when someone splashes a bucket of water on him, only to see Dirk's sendificated head. The Auto-Responder goads Jake to kiss the head to revive Dirk, and Jake, after finally doing it, looks behind him and freaks out upon seeing Dirk (still holding the bucket), Roxy, and Jane.

biography (sburb)

When he enters the game to escape his island's volcano, he is transported to the Land of Mounds and Xenon, featuring many of his favorite interests. Eventually, after 153 days in the Medium, he has created an outfit very similar to that of video game treasure hunter Lara Croft, now with a Sweet Bro tattoo on his own arm and dual golden pistols resembling Lord English's weapon. He is seen to be fighting his own skeletal Underlings before joining up with Dirk in the Land of Tombs and Krypton, now in a suit like John's and a Skulltop gas mask as they are about to ambush some passing Underlings. pIn the start of Act 6 Act 5, Jake receives messages from Dirk, and Roxy, neither of which he responds to. While he receives Roxy's message, he covers his Sweet Bro tattoo with the long-awaited Geromy sticker. Caliborn talks to him at a later point in time and recruits him as a "patron manbro", and proceeds to give him his uROBuROS Juju code. After being kicked in the groin by Trickster Mode Jane, he engages Trickster Mode himself. Once Dirk engages Trickster Mode as well, Jake asks him to join the marriage double reacharound the others are planning. Dirk, mentally unaffected by the Trickster Mode, instead ends their relationship.

biography (sburb) 2

By the end of Act 6 Act 5 Act 2, Jake and the other kids have reappeared in the crypts of the moons of Prospit and Derse on their respective sacrificial slabs, disengaged from Trickster Mode and in dizzying pain. When the Prospit and Derse moons are destroyed, Jake is killed along with the others and ascends to god tier. Soon after, he is dragged off to the Condesce by Jane, who is put under control of the Condesce by means of Jane's Betty Crocker tiaratop computer. He was then seen in a Dersite prison cell, with Jane approaching him. Jane tells him that he is to become her slave husband, and breed all the heirs to the Condesce's empire once she inherits it. This causes Jake to cry, before seeing brain ghost Dirk, who tells him that he can become real if he believes in him, similar to what Tavros says about Rufio.

Personality and Traits

Jake loves adventure and brawling, and speaks in a very peculiar, old-timey fashion. Naturally, he has many things in common with his pre-scratch counterpart, like his affinity for cerulean beauties, tomb-raiding, and firearms. He dislikes monsters (though this is completely justifiedHS) and enjoys hunting, which is in keeping with Grandpa Harley's extensive collection of "trophies". He also enjoys superhero comics, most notably Spider-Girl and the Hulk, which may be references to his crush on Aranea and his connections to Lord English respectively. Jake also shares some traits with his son John, chief among them their allergy to peanuts, but also their apparent obliviousness and appreciation for "bad" movies (though in Jake's mind these films truly are masterpieces) - including the works ofHS Nicolas Cage. (His particular choice of film reference, 1998's Snake Eyes, seemingly also furthers Jake's interest in Lrd English-related memorabilia, given English's connection to both snakes and eyes). There are also some parallels between Jake and Tavros Nitram, who are both Pages with low self-esteem, much to the chagrin of the nearest Serket.

Personality and Traits

Despite his love of action and outward gregariousness, Jake is not very assertive and extremely clueless socially, giving the "I'm so glad we're friends" talk to two interested girls within the span of a few hours. He also does not get Dirk's obvious hints regarding Jane's grandfather, reinforcing his lack of perceptiveness. Although he touts the importance and friendship and believing in others, he is known to behave in ways that are quite self-centered, albeit unintentionally; during the Alpha kids' session, Jake rarely interacts with the girls, and when he does, it's to seek advice about his relationship with Dirk. Growing up alone in isolation on Hellmurder Island seems to be the main cause of his lack of social grace. For the same reason, he also appears to be unused to close relationships, and predictably feels smothered by Dirk's overtures. His confidence suffers a significant blow after Jane and Dirk lose their tempers with him. He erroneously believes that his relationships with the two of them are unsalvagable and that he is entirely to blame. At this point, he is uncharacteristically shy with others, with the notable exceptions of Tavrossprite and eventually John. Jake may have brain damageHSHS, likely acquired through the many blows to the head sustained in his adventurous, rough-and-tumble lifestyle.HS These injuries may or may not have been reversed by his ascension to the god tiers, but may have been what Aranea was referring to when she healed him and restored his powers to full strength.

trivia

The URL GREEN-EYES-PEELED-FOR-BLUE-LOOKERS-NUDE.COM once redirected to Jake's introduction page.[citation needed] When he first dons his Tomb Raider gun holsters, Jake thinks that they would be more comfortable if he had much shorter, skintight shorts, foreshadowing what he eventually wears as a fully-realized Page of Hope. The "trickster cherub" symbol on Jake's Trickster Mode shirt lacks a hat; when combined with Dirk's symbol, they create something in the likeness of Lil Cal. Alongside Dirk and Calliope, Jake is one of the only Heroes never to be depicted rendered in Caliborn's Homosuck. Jake is the only character in Homestuck who is known to have ascended to god tier through his waking self rather than his dream self, as his dream self was already dead. Based upon the caste associated with his birthday, his Hope aspect, and Prospit sway, Jake's true sign would be Saginius, the Believer.

Relationships

All the other post-scratch kids have had a romantic interest in Jake, although Roxy has stepped down because she did not want to put her friendships with Dirk and Jane into jeopardy. Neither Jane nor Dirk had explicitly revealed their feelings to Jake, although he suspects them both to be interested in him and has entertained the thought of ending up with either of them. When he addressed Jane on the matter, she denied her feelings for him as she was too nervous or perhaps unprepared for his question. Jake is surprised but relieved since it makes the situation seem less complicated for him, and goes on to confess that he believes he and Dirk may be a suitable match. Jane then freaks out hereHS, hereHS, and especially hereHS but never shows her disappointment/fears to Jake. This may mean she has more feelings for him than implied. Ever since Dirk told him the truth about living in the future and the Condesce, he hates her, thus making him tackle and punch Meenah thinking they were the same person.

Relationship with Jane Crocker

Jane had a romantic interest in Jake, but was too nervous to admit it to him. She panicked and denied her feelings outright, resulting in Jake believing she has no interest in him other than being friends. She blamed herself for not being able to take the opportunity, but becomes rather unsure of her feelings towards Jake, due to his frequent tangents and at one point ignoring her all together. However, she excitedly revealedHS revealed her strong romantic feelings to him in Trickster mode which he responded positivley to while also Trickster. While hungover, she admits to Dirk she may have romanticized Jake. Although she yells at Jake after turning crockertier, she continued to state that she was attracted to him, referring to him as hunky HS and hot HS much to his discomfort. In the dream bubble with Calliope and Jade, she vows to apologize for insulting him.

Relationship with Dirk Strider

Jake considers Dirk to be his best buddy.HS Meanwhile, much like pre-scratch, Dirk feels compelled to improve his good broHS's combat abilities, sending him a combat robot with the goal of turning him into a ruthless killing machineHS. Jake and Dirk dated for some months after entering the Medium, but Jake's introverted personality and Dirk's overbearing tendencies eventually caused the relationship to deteriorate. At some point, Jake got a Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff tattoo to match Dirk's, which he later came to regretHS. Jake considers breaking the relationship off, but his fear of confrontation prevents him from doing so, and it takes their experience with the lollipop juju for Dirk, fed up with being ignored and avoided, to dump Jake officially.HS Jake later expresses regret over his avoidant behavior, and that he should have come clean about wanting some space.HS After entering the new universe, Jake and Dirk are apparently back on good terms, living together in the Consort Kingdom and spending time together once again.

Relationship with Jade Harley

Jake is Jade's mysterious pen-pal, and the two worked together to build John's bunny; Jake thinks of himself as Jade's grandson, which she believes because their discussions feel like talking to familyHS, though the woman he calls his Grandma is actually his ectobiological daughter. After finally arriving in the B2 session, Jade greets Jake and Jane after saving them from a Lrd English-ified Jack Noir. While under the Condesce's control, Jade treats Jake like an imbecile and greatly underestimates his abilities,HS which ultimately leads to her defeat.HS

Relationship with Aranea Serket

Jake is at first attracted to Aranea, likely because she is blue and he thinks she is imaginary, but is extremely upset when she tries to kiss him, flailing and pushing her until she lets go of him. She then activates his hope powers without his consent. Brain Ghost Dirk also attacks her implying that Jake may have wanted to feel protected from her.

Relationship with John Egbert

He quickly develops a friendly relationship with John after they meet, and he describes John as really good company and says that he know[s] how to make a guy feel at ease.

Relationship with Gcatavrosprite

Jake refers to Tavrosprite as the one ray of light shining through the clouds in what has otherwise been an emotionally stormy game experience for meHS; their similar personalities make them highly compatible, and Tavrosprite is one of the few people Jake isn't too shy to talk to after the Alpha session's highly emotional ascension to the god tiers. Gcatavrosprite stays by Jake's side as he and Dirk establish themselves in Earth C's Consort Kingdom.