William Shakespeare

Prompt

Okay, okay — here’s one for all you beautiful Tudors out there, a little sonnet that’s been very good to me, let’s see if you know it Thou art more lovely and more temperate and the rough winds shake the darling buds of may I adore the adoration Though others may abhor it It's quite a new sensation I am the will of the people now In fact, I'd like to feel you a little bit later Now is the winter of our discontent Made glorious summer by this son of York Methinks you got it Oh that is music to my ears if music be the food of love, play on Soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east and Juliet is the sun. Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon I am the Will with the skill to thrill you with my quill The chosen one that God in heaven smiled upon Parting is such sweet sorrow My days are so busy it's making me dizzy There's so much I gotta do There's lunches and meetings and poetry readings And endless interviews Gotta pose for a portrait And how I deplore sitting there for eternity Then it's off to the inn Where my innkeeper friend Wants to name a drink after me Then it's back to my room, where I resume My attempt to write a hit Just me and my beer and the terrible fear That I might be losing it It's hard to be the Bard! I make it look easy but honey believe me Honestly, I don't know how I do it. There's only so much of me to go around. I've got so many fans With so many demands I can hardly go take a piss Be it theater-freak or The autograph-seeker They all want a piece of this I know writing made me famous, But being famous is just so much more fun. You see... What people just don't understand Is that writing's demanding It's mentally challenging and it's a bore It's such a chore To sit in a room by yourself Oh my god, I just hate it! And you're trying to find An opening line or a brilliant idea And you're pacing the floor And hoping for just a bit of divine intervention That one little nugget that one little spark Then Eureka! You find it you're ready to start So now you can write, right? Wrong! You're not even close, you remember that damn it, Your play's gotta be in iambic pentameter! So you write down a word but it's not the right word, So you try a new word but you hate the new word And you need a good word but you can't find the word Oh where is it, what is it, what is it, where is it! Blah-blah-blah, ha ha, ah-ha -UGHHHHHHHH! I've got fortune and fame, Everyone knows my name, I can't help it if it's so freakin' hard Is that a young Bottom I see?! I wanna talk to you...not now Oooh, that was a lot of alliteration- occupational Hazard Aw, she’s bedazzled. You like that word? I made it up, it’s what I do! So! What are you working on? A tragedy? A comedy? A tragic attempt at comedy? See what I did there? Oh, God, he’s so paranoid. Always has been. Even when I was a lowly actor in his sad little troupe, he was so insecure. Would you like me to give it a looky-loo? Of course you would! I’m Shakespeare! Do you bite your thumb at me sir? By my troth, the tartness of his face doth sour the ripened grape. I SAY, ON MY HONOR HERE, I DOTH PROTEST. IF YOU WANT TO MAKE IT TO THE TOP THEN YOU’RE GONNA HAFTA GO THROUGH ME